i guess i knew that..

did a two paths spread on saturday, to attempt to determine which of the two possible directions floating in my head i should take. i kinda want to take both, but realise that doing so would most likely lead to trouble later on. and my head's messed up enough as it is..

link to spread

Top Left, "First Possible Outcome"
The Queen of Cups

If the Queen of Cups appears in a reading to indicate a woman, she will be a gentle and tranquil woman, romantic by nature, generous with her tenderness. She will be something of a day-dreamer - perhaps a bit unrealistic, but creative and hopeful.

She is often involved in creative or literary pursuits, and enjoys art, good music, literature and things of beauty. She is unstinting in her readiness to nurture others, sometimes to her own detriment. She's often connected with motherhood, and mothering.

She is often intuitive, and psychic. Her foremost ability in this area is a talent for simply absorbing energies around her and reflecting them back, unchanged. In this aspect she can often be a revealer for those around her.

If she is badly aspected, however, another aspect of her personality shows through. The gentleness and tranquillity convert to weakness and unspoken resentment. She nurtures for the sake of inducing dependancy, and places undue importance on being in a relationship, no matter what its quality. She will believe herself unable to stand alone.

Her reflective quality backfires so that she begins to take on the attitudes and thoughts of others. When this happens she begins to show signs of feeling victimised. She might present to the world with a poor-little-me attitude.

When the card comes up to indicate a change in some-one's response, we see the woman in love - entering into the deepest and most emotional realms of her personality, and returning refreshed and invigorated.

Top Right, "Second Possible Outcome"
Knight of Swords
When the Knight of Swords comes up to indicate a man, he will be intelligent, subtle and clever. His capacity for abstract thought will be well developed. He is also highly intuitive and perceptive.

His nature will be elusive and ethereal, yet he has a strength and fascination that is hard to deny. He compels attention, except when he doesn't want it, and at those times you will not even notice him pass by.

Because of the enquiring and analytic nature of his mind, you will often find him involved in occult study, and following spiritual pursuits. Whilst tolerant of those who know less than him, he will not divulge his knowledge easily. Rather those who wish to learn from him must fight to see him clearly, rather than falling for the projections he readily casts around him.

If this man is badly dignified his subtlety turns to manipulation, and his fascination to glamour. In this way, he becomes unprincipled and self-seeking. There is a certain ruthlessness present in the Knight of Swords at all times.

Even when we meet him at his best, he makes a hard task master, and an acutely keen observer. The sword in his hand will quite often be used to cut to the heart of things - and sometimes we will not be comfortable with what is revealed.

When this card comes up to indicate a state of mind in a man not normally seen as a Knight of Swords, we are then dealing with quite another issue. Now we must address the darkest qualities of the card. This is an angry man, who has quite possibly been emotionally hurt, and may well be looking for revenge.

He has the potential to be physically violent and mentally cruel. He is a nasty enemy and somebody who needs to be treated with the utmost caution.

Bottom Left, "The force drawing you towards the first possible outcome"
The Queen of Disks
As the Queen of the Suit most connected to the home environment, families, materiality and fecundity, the woman represented by the Queen of Disks will most likely be a person whose attention centres upon the family environment. Here, she will excel, gaining a great deal of pleasure from providing a secure haven where she and others can feel cosseted and cared for.

In modern times the qualities for which this Queen stands have tended to be devalued and downgraded ('I'm only a housewife'). This causes difficulties for the woman who feels most fulfilled expending her energies in a home situation, working with her family and a close circle of friends.

Yet the contribution that this sort of work makes to the lives of anyone who comes into contact with it cannot be underestimated. We all want to feel welcome and warm in our own homes. We want to feel nurtured and secure. So perhaps it's time to re-instate the Queen of Disks to her rightful place - Regent to the Empress, and important to everybody. Furthermore, maybe we need to invoke our own caring qualities more readily so that we all pour our unique energies into our domestic surroundings.

If the Queen of Disks is ill-dignified in a reading, she will generally have lost sight of her position - or, perhaps, is being taken for granted by others. At that point the weaker side of her personality will show through. She may become dependent and clingy, believing herself to be unable to stand alone. She might manipulate by adopting a passive victim's role.

Though usually the type of woman indicated by the Queen of Disks is a gentle soul, when angered she can become a fierce enemy, particularly where she sees injustice done to her family and friends. She's loyal and willing to help, rooted in the practical aspects of life.

Her concept of spirituality centres on the nourishing aspects of her personality - she is therefor a facilitator, quietly assisting others on their journey, though often her contribution will go unnoticed.

Bottom Right, "The force drawing you towards the second possible outcome"
The Eight of Swords
The Lord of Interference is the card that comes up to indicate deliberate or accidental interference with the natural flow of energy. This may come from inside ourselves, or from an outer (and possibly malicious) source. It often signals problems with endurance, inability to make decisions, lack of concentration on important details, and overall disturbance.

At best, the 8 of Swords will indicate a period where nothing goes quite the way you want it to. At worst it will indicate an obstructive and difficult period where serious damage can be done to our material environment, our emotional balance and our overall sense of well-being.

When you draw this card (or are interpreting it for another person) you need first to try to isolate the source of the problem. If it is an inner imbalance, then you'll see cards like 7 of Cups, 7 of Swords or 10 of Wands coming up nearby. If it is an outer force which is causing trouble, then you're more likely to see the Tower, 9 of Swords or a court card indicating another person.

The solution to this influence is more simple than you might at first imagine - if you're giving yourself a hard time, then accept what is happening and drop the project for a short time, delay making the decision - in short, stop banging your head against the wall! Sometimes this kind of interference is exacerbated by astrological or lunar phases - so let 7 days pass by during which you do things which satisfy you, which flow easily, and which help you to rest. Then come back and tackle the original matter again.

If interference comes form an outside source, then withdraw yourself from that source, and again, rest and do things you want to do. Return to the issue that has been causing the problem once you have had time to gain perspective and a little more insight.

If you are ever unfortunate enough to find the 8 of Swords coming up to indicate a long-term problem, it will almost always be deliberate and malicious interference from another person. If you have attracted unwelcome attention from somebody, and you are doing nothing whatsoever to feed their spite, then you must remove yourself as a target. No good can come of engaging in this type of situation. And often, when a person's barbs are no longer hitting the mark (or even if they are, your attacker doesn't know that they are) they will find somebody else to direct their negativity toward - there's nothing more unsatisfying than making an enemy of somebody who completely ignores you.

Bottom, "The critical factor that decides what will come to pass"
The Seven of Cups
The Lord of Debauch is a deceptive card and can bring in some difficult influences when it's about. We will always be tempted to do things that we will later regret, and we will find ourselves weak-willed when it comes to choosing what we know is the right course of action.

For instance, we might be faced with some sort of sexual temptation. This kind of situation can arise whether or not we are committed to another person - a one-night stand can have as many complications for the single as it can for the person in a partnership. Such an offer, when marked by the 7 of Cups, is going to have consequences that far outweigh the pleasure that might be fleetingly gained.

And again, the Lord of Debauch might come up to indicate that we are placed in a situation where we can make easy money, or obtain things in an inappropriate and unethical fashion - though it would not cover actual theft. But, for example, buying stolen property, or engaging in trickery to obtain money and possessions would come up here.

We might find ourselves showered with apparently great opportunities and have no idea which of them is valid and which is not - then we become children gazing in wonder at the treasure chest of jewels and wondering which one to take first! Perhaps the answer is that if we don't know what to choose, we should consider leaving them all alone!!

And finally, the most serious influence that can be indicated by this card is the challenge to our ethical code. We may be faced with something that goes against our principles, and yet still be tempted to pass it by, to take advantage, or to do something that we will later think was sneaky, unkind, immoral and nasty.

The 7 of Cups is always indicative of a temptation which will cost much more than it gives, if we fall for it.

~~~

haven't yet decided what it all means for me, which path is which, or what i'd to with the knowledge if i had it. needs some thought, which i guess i should allocate..

the truth hurts, don't it..

listen up kids. i'm gonna give you some hard earned truths. the kinda shit they don't teach you anywhere else. love is a myth. a fallacy taught by knowing adults to their kids in a feeble attempt to convince them to stick it out. to convince ourselves that's there's a light at the end of the tunnel. well there isn't. life is empty and meaningless, and it's empty and meaningless that it's empty and meaningless. but here's the clincher - that's it. the world isn't what you make it. it's a hunk of cold, lifeless rock. you're going to have to get used to it.

take a look around you. this is it. no angel is going to come down from the skies in a beam of light and bring you hope. everything won't suddenly make sense when you meet that special person. hell, that special person will only be in your life until one of you decides to leave. and then you'll be right back where you started - alone, naked and screaming. the world doesn't make sense, but fuck, it's not supposed to. stop trying to see that glimmer of light in the distance. it isn't there, and staring into that endless darkness will just make you go blind.

your whole existence is merely the product of an accidental collocation of atoms. deal with it..

meh

fuck it all. what the fuck am i supposed to do?

peace has too many definitions..

the only thing i could handle today was a very basic spread. not much effort needed, but not much gained from it either. really, it's just the last card i'm having troubles with. resolution of conflict. i have no doubt as to whether my conflict is going to be resolved, i just have doubt in regard to where i'm going to be at when it is..

edit: link to spread

First, "The Past"
The Princess of Cups
If this card comes up to represent a person, she will be a gentle, romantic individual with high levels of intuition. The Princess of Cups is compassionate and caring, warm and responsive. She is at peace with her emotional nature, often highly creative and artistic. She has a certain fragility, particularly when coming into contact with the harsher realities of everyday life, and will not always cope well with conflict. In her world, tranquillity and harmony are highly valued.

If, as often happens with the Princesses of the deck, the card comes up to represent a change in events, then the interpretation broadens out somewhat. For instance, the Princess of Cups will sometimes come up to indicate forthcoming pregnancy. The card also appears to indicate a woman falling in love.

And if the card applies to a state of mind, then it will indicate heightened perception, and tells you to listen carefully to the voice of your own intuition, and to follow through on any ideas which arise from it.

Second, "The Present"
The Five of Disks
The Lord of Worry is most aptly titled, for when this card comes up in a reading, there looks to be financial, material or domestic trouble on the horizon. Something poses a threat to your overall security. This might be an unexpected expense, or job worries, or maybe even a disturbance in your family life.

There will always be something to worry about, when the 5 of Disks comes up. But there's one important thing to bear in mind - whatever is causing the problem is much more of a threat than it is a reality. Worrying about it might just make it worse than it needs to be!

When the Lord of Worry is about, anxiety is the emotion of the moment. We look to the future and we see something nasty ahead. Then we sit and worry about it. Try to remember - what you put your attention on grows. So if you worry about your overdraft, it will get bigger! That's not, of course, to say you should not do all you are able to DO, in an awkward situation - just that once you have, there's no point in worrying about it.

Sometimes we go through a stage in our lives where we feel as though, whatever good comes to us, it is bound to be undermined and darkened by negativity and sadness, that we cannot help but be disappointed. Yet just by holding that view, we invite negativity in, to add to the real problems we already had.

It isn't easy to try to be accepting and positive and trusting when life is giving us a hard time - but accept we must, if we don't want to make things worse!

So - the 5 of Disks indicates a possible threat to our security. It is important not to feed that possibility with our own fear. Fear is a powerful emotion. It can rule if we let it. When this card comes up, remember that disturbance is possible - not probable. Do all you can to avert it.

Third, "The Future"
The Two of Swords
The Lord of Peace is a friendly Sword, which comes as something of a relief when we have spent so much time dealing with his more belligerent cousins. However it must be noted that the card often comes up to indicate that a conflict has been resolved or a breach healed, so there will have been trouble earlier on.

It indicates that a painful and difficult situation is being reconciled. Friendships are rebuilt, old wounds are healed. At an inner level, the 2 of Swords really comes into its own, for it marks the period of tranquillity and calmness that can arise when we have finally made difficult decisions, and acted upon them. Often it will come up to show that, now we have got to grips with our confusion, we can rest and recover.

The card will also come up to show that we have let go of old fears or anxieties that were holding us back. It's a still card indicating a time to rest and recuperate.

~~~

once again, peace has too many definitions. although, if i look hard enough, i know there'll only be one outcome to all this that will truly bring me peace. so i'll hope for that..